What gay men like
Re: i'm a female & i'm (sexually) attracted to gay guys
Unread postby Sam W »
Got it, so it does sound like a big part of this simply has to do with a certain type of guy (but not the only type of guy) you find attractive.
When you want to be a guy in those moments, what is it, specifically, that you want? Is it to be able to engage in certain things sexually? To have a certain role in a sexual dynamic? Something else? And when you say this happens when you see sweet gay guys in your surroundings, are those guys who you know are gay, or who gaze a certain way?
With fetishizing or objectifying people, that depends on whether you see these guys as individual, unique humans or more as a blank slate that you can project your desires onto. It's also sound to think about what's attracting you to them and how much of it might be based on stereotypes about that specific group (it might be the case that none of it is) rather than the realities of that individual person.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the terminal blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you “Compelling, timely, and provocative. The writing is sleek and exhilarating. It doesn’t waste time telling us what it will undertake or what it has just done—it just does it.” How we can converse about sex and peril in the age of barebacking—or condomless sex—without invoking the usual bogus and punitive clichés about same-sex attracted men’s alleged low self-esteem, lack of self-control, and other psychological “deficits”? Are there queer alternatives to psychology for thinking about the inner life of homosexuality? What Do Queer Men Want? explores some of the possibilities. Unlike most writers on the topic of gay men and risky sex, David Halperin liberates gay male subjectivity from psychology, demonstrating the insidious ways in which psychology’s defining opposition between the normal and the pathological subjects homosexuality to medical reasoning and revives a whole set of unexamined moral assumptions about “good” sex and “bad” sex. In particular, Halperin champions neglected traditions of gender non-conforming thought, including bo Everyone loves validation. Gay men often suffer from a scarcity in the validation department. When you don&#;t become enough of something as a kid you can be hungry for it for a very long time. Here&#;s what probably didn&#;t happen to you: When you were in first grade and wanted to hold hands with the tall young man in your classroom, no one told you it was &#;cute.&#; When you had a crush on your third grade reading teacher, your parents didn&#;t smirk and tell you someday you&#;ll mature up and commit someone just love him. In sixth grade you didn&#;t consume hours on the phone with your best friend, talking about the hunky boys in your class. In eighth grade you didn&#;t compete spin the bottle with a bunch of males in your parents&#; rec room basement. In tenth grade you didn&#;t cry in your mother&#;s arms when the dark haired kid from Spanish class swiftly dumped you. As you got ready for the prom no one said that all the boys at the dance would be eyeing you in that superb tuxedo. The bottom line is that this core, built-in Some gay men position up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch. Here&#;s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their envy. They think that the male lover community believes in sexual liberty and it isn&#;t cool or manly to object to their partner&#;s sexual behavior. In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners. Heterosexual couples procure plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell What Do Gay Men Want?
—Don Kulick, Professor of Anthropology, New York University
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